You’re probably scolding me right now for being dumb enough to misspell the name of legendary grindcore band, Pig Destroyer. But, with that I must quibble my good sir! For I was not talking about PIG Destroyer, I was talking about PUIG Destroyer! I know you’re all angry about the end of the baseball season, so you can take out your anger by listening to some grindy tunes from this band, named of course after the polarizing Los Angeles Dodgers phenom, Yasiel Puig.
Needless to say, all of their songs are inspired by baseball and Puig himself. Very entertaining! They make my short list of, “Favorite Bands Inspired By Celebrities And/Or Athletes,” second only to Austrian Death Machine (note to self: are they any more bands in this category?). Inspired by Arnold Schwarzenegger, their lead singer is actually on trial for possibly trying to hire a hit man to kill his wife, but hey, still good songs!
Anyway if you want songs not written by a possible murderer, Puig Destroyer is still here for you! Check out their new track, “First to Third,” below. Also if you go on their bandcamp, you can download their debut EP for free, so no downsides! I’ll play this on repeat until pitchers and catchers report to spring training, so join me and we’ll all go grindy and crazy together.
You may have heard of the comedy-metal band, Psychostick. You also may have not, in which case you’ve missed out on some of the most hilarious and clever metal songs of all time (I’d say more but, you know how to use the internet, find them yourself). The latest of which just made its debut as a music video and is titled, “Obey The Beard.” It’s witty and hilarious and amazing and you have to watch it. It’s also not SUPER metal, which is another great thing about Psychostick, you can definitely get a kick out of them whether or not you actually like metal.
These guys are doing a brilliant job of capitalizing on a crucial part of American popular culture, as we’ve basically become the United States of Beard in recent months. I mean seriously, guys like Duck Dynasty, The Boston Red Sox, and Thor are taking over the whole damn country. I will now go cry my beardless self to sleep because I’m clearly missing out on everything great in life. The rest of you can watch this video:
If you take a moment to google this band, No Sinner, you’ll find that they definitely fall into the sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll category that has from time to time been slapped with that good old “sinful,” tag. This is totally fine, because if you’re like me, you think that’s awesome. You also find the band’s name a little bit ironic, but hey, who’s judging?? I’m from Brooklyn, we love irony and sarcasm and all that good snarky stuff!
Anyways, I’ll be perfectly honest: I’d never heard of No Sinner until about five minutes and four seconds ago, which is exactly how long their video for their song, “Boo Hoo Hoo” is. It was so awesome that I’m just throwing it up here as fast as I can because DAMN. I love me some bluesy rock n’ roll. Lead singer Colleen Rennison has got a killer voice. Starting off with a standard shuffle of sorts, the middle section of the song slows down and Colleen just goes nuts on it. Very cool.
Here’s the video, which basically focuses on Colleen and ignores the rest of the band. Thus, clearly suffering from some hot-female-lead-singer-syndrome (COUGH Halestorm COUGH), but STILL it’s pretty awesome. Hope the guys show some skin next time, am I right? I’m right. Now watch!
…or don’t, I promise I won’t judge you either way. Honestly, yes, this is definitely as weird as it sounds. A group of heavy metal singers got together and recorded a tribute to the King of Pop. I’m not entirely sure if he should be flattered and doing the moonwalk in his grave, or just rolling over and putting the pillow over his head. Some of the vocalists are AWESOME. Corey Glover of Living Colour fame, Angelo Moore from the underrated Fishbone, and Doug Pinnick from King’s X are the few that give these songs what they need. Still, the heavy riffs sound out-of-place. There are also some vocalists that are…hmm…questionable? Danny Worsnop from Asking Alexandria ALKFJSDALKJF GAG GAH EW WHAT? Sorry. Allergic reaction. Chuck Billy from Testament is obviously badass in his own right, but when I hear him do “Thriller” I have this terrible image of him hip thrusting and thus I probably won’t sleep tonight.
Anyway, the point is this album is sort of weirdly interesting at its best and disgusting at its worst. This is not really a review either, you just needed to know that there’s a new, and totally unnecessary, compilation of heavy metal Michael Jackson covers. I still advise you listen to at least one track, so that you can be the cool person at the party next weekend who says, “I’ve got a weird metal version of this song.” This is assuming you go to parties where people play Michael Jackson, which you probably don’t because you’re not as cool as I am. Sucks for you.
I don’t need to tell you that Lou Reed was a badass. This is a natural fact accepted by everybody who’s ever heard the songs he’s written, be they solo, from The Velvet Underground era, or from one of his numerous collaborations. You didn’t have to like all of them (yes, we’re looking at you, Lulu…), but an artist who only releases albums that are acclaimed isn’t really an artist at all. Lou Reed didn’t cater to the masses. He did what he wanted whether people loved it, or it went the route of Metal Machine Music and was more suitable to use as a torture method than anything else.
Popular music would be better if we had more artist willing to pull the kind of shit that Lou Reed pulled. Needless to say, nearly all of the material from The Velvet Underground is considered classic. If you play an instrument, you probably learned to play “Sweet Jane” or “Heroin“ with your band when all of you had been playing collectively for probably about two weeks. If you were like me, these were also the only songs you ever sung because your voice was deep and it honestly didn’t matter if you couldn’t hit a note. Also, it was fucking awesome.
Reed’s solo material, particularly the early stuff, Transformer, Berlin, the live Rock ‘n’ Roll Animal, is also classic. No one argues against “Walk On The Wild Side” being one of the greatest songs of all time. May I remind you the lyrics of that song include:
Holly came from Miami, Florida
Hitch-hiked her way across the U.S.A.
Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
And then the next verse:
Candy came from out on the Island
In the back room she was everybody’s darling
But she never lost her head
Even when she was giving head
Not exactly typical lyrics for a popular song in 1972, but Reed turns it into one of the best songs of all time. Everyone loves it. You love it and your parents love it and it was probably the way you got them to listen to rap music for the first time. It’s awesome and it only gets written because Lou Reed didn’t care how people were going to react. He always had the courage to do whatever he wanted, leading to many songs that are celebrated as classics and some that have been totally rejected. Lou Reed was a legend and he will be greatly missed.
With that, I will leave you to blast Velvet Underground songs for the rest of your evening. But first, I suggest you take a look at the most badass interview of all time and realize that, no matter how cool and rebellious you think you are, Lou Reed makes you look fucking lame.